Understanding children’s behavior post divorce

Nowadays divorce has become part of life and in most schools many children realise that they are not the only ones whose parents are divorced but does this mean that children have adapted well to divorce?

Children are interesting and parents forget that they too were children.  This means to say that being secretive and confiding in friends rather then parents is the norm for children.  If your child is not talking to you about the issue of divorce it does not mean that it is not impacting on their psyche in some way.  It is important to ask teachers about your children’s behaviour at school, maybe observe how they respond to friends or the opposite sex.

Parents not only have to monitor their children’s behaviour but their own behaviour as well. This means that some parents can accept the fact that they no longer have a partner and therefore continue to live their lives as they always have by keeping their routine and healthy habits in check or they can become resentful and start acting out. This means that some parents try and relive the time before they were married and they start dressing and acting in a similar way. This type of behaviour can have an adverse effect on children which could cause them to adopt similar irresponsible behaviour.

To be yourself is an extremely difficult task to pull off; many people aren’t sure what that means in any case! But it is needless to say that as a parent you need to be responsible and monitor the way you speak about yourself, about your ex-spouse and about your feelings in front of your children.

Many parents do not realise their own destructive behaviour but it does not take long for children to act the same.  This means that should you drink a bottle of wine every night, or should you start criticising yourself out loud without being conscious of it; it will influence your children’s behaviour.

Seeking help to stabilise your moods and emotions will benefit you and your children.  The less stable your children perceive you to be the more it will compel them to turn inward and become depressed.  Divorce is challenging and it places any future relationships in question; doubt, insecurity and lack of trust are borne from a divorce and it manifests in all parties involved including children.

If you take your own emotions and issues into consideration and deal with them in a responsible way; that is a sure way of teaching your children the same which will help them deal with divorce and their emotions more effectively.