This type of claim is a complex claim from a procedure point of view as both the maintenance act and the Pension Funds act need to be taken into account when making the claim. It is highly recommended that you make use of a competent attorney when undertaking such a step.

It is also possible to prevent a member from withdrawing pension fund benefits by making the correct notifications to the Fund to withhold the benefits pending the outcome of an arrears maintenance hearing. It is important to take this step as once a member has taken the pension benefits, they are no longer in the hands of the fund and the onus will then be on you to attache from the relevant bank or the individual personally.

It is important to note that the Pension Funds act makes specific mention of “Maintenence and Tax” as reasons that retirement benefits can be used to pay.

The process of dealing with default maintenance is as follows. (These are the basic steps and your attorney or maintenance officer should be consulted when attending to these steps)

1. Failure to make payment of maintenance order on due date
2. Defaulter is given 10 days to rectify the default
3. Approach the courts to enforce the maintenance order
4. Order issued by court

The order that the court issues will be in the form of an garnishee order against the persons salary, the order to sell property to cover the arrears (furniture, fittings, home etc) or if there appears to be no other method to recover the arrears maintenence the court may order that retirement fund benefits be attached.

In extreme cases of default the courts have ordered that the benefits be withheld and the fund pays the maintenance directly to the care giver.

Children are interesting and parents forget that they too were children.  This means to say that being secretive and confiding in friends rather then parents is the norm for children.  If your child is not talking to you about the issue of divorce it does not mean that it is not impacting on their psyche in some way.  It is important to ask teachers about your children’s behaviour at school, maybe observe how they respond to friends or the opposite sex.

Parents not only have to monitor their children’s behaviour but their own behaviour as well. This means that some parents can accept the fact that they no longer have a partner and therefore continue to live their lives as they always have by keeping their routine and healthy habits in check or they can become resentful and start acting out. This means that some parents try and relive the time before they were married and they start dressing and acting in a similar way. This type of behaviour can have an adverse effect on children which could cause them to adopt similar irresponsible behaviour.

To be yourself is an extremely difficult task to pull off; many people aren’t sure what that means in any case! But it is needless to say that as a parent you need to be responsible and monitor the way you speak about yourself, about your ex-spouse and about your feelings in front of your children.

Many parents do not realise their own destructive behaviour but it does not take long for children to act the same.  This means that should you drink a bottle of wine every night, or should you start criticising yourself out loud without being conscious of it; it will influence your children’s behaviour.

Seeking help to stabilise your moods and emotions will benefit you and your children.  The less stable your children perceive you to be the more it will compel them to turn inward and become depressed.  Divorce is challenging and it places any future relationships in question; doubt, insecurity and lack of trust are borne from a divorce and it manifests in all parties involved including children.

If you take your own emotions and issues into consideration and deal with them in a responsible way; that is a sure way of teaching your children the same which will help them deal with divorce and their emotions more effectively.

A maintenance order is an order of court that cannot just be ignored without serious consequences which can include jail terms. A maintenance order is however not cast in stone and a parent who is obliged to pay maintenance and whose circumstances have changed can have the order varied but this can only be done by the courts. If parents agree to a variation in the amount of maintenance or the form that the maintenance payments are made (eg. paying school fees directly to schools as opposed to paying the custodial parent) this still needs to be approved by the court and made an order. Irrespective of how good your relationship is, have it legally varied and a new order issued, things change.

In order to calculate maintenance we suggest you read the “how to calculate child maintenance” article which will give all of the tools you need to effectively calculate child maintenance. In short, both parents are required to contribute towards the childrens expenses and the proportion that each is responsible for is calculated after determining the earnings of each parent, the cost of maintaining the children which includes everything from a roof over their heads, to socks and under wear. The cost is then apportioned to each parent according to their earnings. Read the article ”how to calculate child maintenance” for a more in depth description and method of calculation. On the Application for maintenance order form you will be able to get a very good idea of the costs that a court takes into account when determining the cost to maintain a child/children.

Often when a couple decides to divorce, children are involved if the parents are not communicating with each other, a judge decides who will gain custody. Child custody battles involve minor children; they are under 18 years of age therefore, they cannot decide on their own.

Divorce is a painful process to endure, and when a couple is involved in a divorce, children most often are torn between both parents. The battle is often about both parents wanting to gain full custody of the children.  Usually, mothers are given custody of children, as they are considered to be the best care givers.  But, it seems that it is no longer the case the court decides what is best for children involved during a custody battle. A person affiliated with the court, or a social worker, spends time with both parents. An evaluation of parents takes place, to determine who is the most suitable and responsible parent.  The judge will decide if the child should stay with one parent, a family member, or go into foster care.  This often depends on the case, and if one or both parents are predisposed to abuse, alcoholism or addiction problems.

Parents are advised to keep record of their involvement with their children. Taking them to school and participating in after school activities, will count in a parent’s favour. Take your children to the doctors, and show that you genuinely have your child’s interests at heart.  The court will decide on which parent receives sole custody.

Sole custody refers to one parent gaining full access to their child/children; they have the authority to decide what is best for their children. The other parent can have visitation rights. Joint custody is when both parents have equal access to their children. Alternative weekends are spent with one or the other parent.

Child custody battles can leave parents and children involved, scarred and bitter. As a parent, your genuine interest should be to look after and care for your child/children.  Pay attention to them, before, during and after a divorce.

A judge’s ruling can be questioned, and one of the parents can appeal the ruling; child custody battle will continue until another ruling is made.

In most cases, child custody battles can be stressful and difficult for all parties involved.  When minor children are involved, their lives are in the judge’s hands.  The ruling is made in what is best suited for the child’s safety and future development.

Teenagers are at a difficult age, where they are transforming from children into adults. It is a difficult transition to endure; hormones, social pressure and friends have a great influence on their development.  It is challenging to confront teenagers, during such a tremendous shift in their lives. Often teenagers turn inwardly, or they confide in friends.

The relationship between a teenager and a parent is affected by adolescence.  Teenagers feel that they cannot express themselves to their parents.  Their judgement of their parents is heightened by this transition, and conflict often occurs.  It is an important part of a teenager’s life, to be conscious of events that unfold, as it has a tremendous impact on their adulthood. Teenagers are trying to establish, where they belong. They contemplate about their future, and often it involves being the complete opposite of their parents.

Teenagers are judgmental, critical and exceptionally vulnerable to outside influence. When a teenager is faced with divorce, it puts a hold on their lives. All of a sudden, the most important part of their lives are taken away.  The focus is now on their parents, and their disagreements, teenagers are generally self-absorbed but it is part of their growth.  To question everything is valid to them and their future.

For teenagers to face divorce puts unnecessary guilt and blame on them. This is a time, where parents are supposed to be overly concerned about their teenage children, but divorce destroys it.

Parents do not pay enough attention to their teenaged children, because they are too self-involved with their relationship issues.  Teenagers often withdraw, and due to humiliation and guilt, they expose themselves to potentially destructive behaviour. Alcoholism, drug addiction, and promiscuity are rife amongst teenagers whose parents are divorced, or in the process of divorce and as a parent you should pay special attention to what is going on in their lives.

In order to understand the impact of divorce and how it affects teenagers would be to put yourselves in their shoes.  Sometimes divorce is necessary if there is alcohol abuse or domestic violence, but a majority of time divorce occurs due to lack of communication and respect.

Teenagers are in their prime, to unfold as responsible and caring adults, divorce can lead them onto a destructive path, or it can lead them into a parental role, which they are far too young and innocent to fulfil.

A divorce is simply ending a marriage in a legal way so both parties are free from each other and they can commit to someone else in the future. It is valid to end a marriage legally. Therefore depending how a couple was married, either civilly or customary will determine what procedures to follow in order to finalise a divorce. A civil marriage follows the regulations as per the Divorce Act whereas a customary marriage is concluded in divorce as per the African Customary Law. As South Africa has diverse cultures and religions the latter law supports beliefs within a particular religion and the marriage is ended according to the specific religion and its cultural rituals.

As many South Africans enter into a marriage, children are soon to follow to expand the family. However when a couple files for a divorce then legally the first question is who will gain child custody. Depending on what the situation is and the reason for divorce. Family advocates will advise the best way to approach the situation bearing the well being of the children in mind and which parent is most capable of looking after the children. Depending on the religion and background a mother is considered most likely to nurture the children and generally the father is still held accountable for maintenance of the children.

As children are the most effected by a divorce it still remains important for both parents to have access to their kids. This means that even if one party has sole custody of the children; arrangements for the other party to spend time with their offspring can be arranged. Should one parent not be in a fit position to see the children due to drug addiction or alcoholism or should there be sexual abuse involved then it protects the children to legally not have anything to do with an unfit parent.

As children are torn between parents; the parent looking after the children will accrue more expenses than the other. Therefore child maintenance and spousal maintenance is required for the decision to be made in the best interest of the children. Divorce lawyers and attorneys will assist their clients to make the best legal decision. Should one party not pay child maintenance after the finalisation of the divorce, from a legal point of view the other party can bring the issue to the magistrate’s court and speak with a maintenance officer.

As religion has an impact on divorce in South Africa, Muslim and/or Hindu wives legally are unable to ask for maintenance once the divorce is finalised.

Divorce law varies from one country to the next; divorce lawyers and attorneys are updated on new legislations and divorce law. Seeking their advice is also advisable when considering a divorce in South Africa.

As many people choose to stay in a relationship and they don’t necessarily want to end their marriage then they can apply for legal separation.  A separation needs to follow legal steps in order for it to qualify as separation; consulting a lawyer will provide you with relevant information.

Divorce refers to a process where two people choose not to stay married; legal procedures are taken by an attorney to end the marriage.

Experts will comment that for two parties to be legally separated is similar to being divorced in terms of the work load.  Factors such as children, distributing possessions including assets and debts are part of legal separation.  As the parties remain married they are no longer accountable for each other.

The point of a divorce is to end a marriage; depending on how the couple was married will determine how the liabilities and assets will be split.  Most couples get married in community of property which means that they are entitled to share assets and liabilities equally when they’re married which means that when they file for a divorce the same applies.

As people live together for a certain period of time they accrue belongings.  When they decide to divorce it is essential to divide the belongings. Even property, bank accounts, stocks, bonds are considered to belong to both parties.  This depends largely on the arrangement when the marriage took place. A divorce lawyer will be able to examine each divorce and make recommendations accordingly.

Generally applying for legal separation follows a similar procedure as filing for a divorce. Time and money are pulled into both legal procedures as divorce lawyers, attorneys and courts are essential to legalise a separation or divorce.

The main difference is that a legal separation means you are still married to each other but you are not obligated to look after or support the other party, generally one of the parties’ moves out of the house and lives somewhere else.  This often depends on each case and what arrangements have been made.  When a couple decides to get a divorce then they end the marriage and property is divided accordingly.

As divorce law varies throughout the world it is advisable to seek expert help and choose a family law attorney that can support your requirements.

Heartache and Grief

Naturally, when the foundation of a child’s family is broken down, the child will experience a lot of trauma and confusion. They no longer have a stable home where they are protected by both a mother and a father. They are unable to form strong relationships with both parents because one parent will always be absent in the home.
Children are also forced into a situation where, in many circumstances, they have to fend for themselves, leaving them feeling very troubled and secluded.

All of the above contribute significantly to the child’s heartache. If not dealt with properly, this heartache and grief can affect them well into their adulthood.

Depression

Depression is a mental disorder whereby the sufferer experiences chronic feelings of misery, neglect, disinterest, low self-esteem and discomfort. They also have disturbed sleeping patterns and often have a lack of concentration. Depression occurs in children when they no longer feel loved and safe – this causes them a large amount of trauma and they become stressed and worried.

Children who come from divorced families often experience depression because the family unit and foundation of their lives has been disrupted to the extent where it cannot be repaired. They often have feelings of misery because they have to accept and deal with the fact that they have “lost” one parent. Even though the parents may have a joint custody agreement, the household in which they live only has one parent. This parent often suffers from low energy levels, has to deal with the loss of their spouse and their new financial position. This may cause the parent a lot of unhappiness which often brushes off on children.

In addition to this, these children often feel neglected and isolated. Usually, there is so much focus on the divorce settlement that the wellbeing of the children is disregarded in the process. This forces the children to fend for themselves, and often they end up rebelling. In turn, children suffer from a low self-esteem and self-worth because they feel that if their parents neglect to care and support them emotionally, then no one else will.

• AGE
• GENDER
• RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHILD & PARENTS
• LIVING ARRANGEMENTS
• INEVITIBLE SUFFERINGS

AGE
Younger children often do not understand divorce and its implications. However, as they become older they begin to recognise that one of their parents has permanently moved out of the house and they realise that the family unit is no longer complete. Children often blame themselves and believe that their parent’s separation was due to their bad behaviour.

This induces immature behaviour and young children may constantly demand comfort from old blankets, teddies, or toys that once gave them security. Sometimes anxiety and heartache is an effect of divorce and induces reckless behaviour in children, as well as wetting their bed during the night. In addition to this, the effects of divorce on young children can cause them to constantly require security from adults.

School children are believed to suffer the most from the effects of divorce. The reason for this is because they are old enough to fully understand what divorce means for them, their family and their parents. Naturally, this will be extremely difficult to deal with and, often, they cannot cope with and control the immense pain that divorce inflicts.

Because of the emotions suffered due to divorce, school children are often determined to help their parents reunite, thus, eliminating the pain. However, if this does not occur, the pain only worsens and causes children to suffer from other severe emotions, such as anger, embarrassment and anguish. These emotional effects of divorce often cause physical effects, such as headaches, sore stomachs and vomiting.

Teenagers are fully aware of the circumstances that arise from divorce. They often feel that they must assume the responsibilities of care-giver for younger siblings, home-maker for all those in the family and peace-maker when conflict between the parents erupts. Thus, they feel they have been forced to mature extremely fast as they must take on “adult” or “parental” responsibilities and tasks. The high stress and low energy levels of parents are often brushed onto teens and they feel that they have no support in many aspects of their lives.

The divorce has negative effects on teens because they often feel neglected, isolated and trapped. Because they can often remember the conflict, anxiety and stress between parents which lead up to the divorce, teens begin to become depressed and unable to cope with the pressure that divorce brings to the entire family. They begin to lose faith and trust in their parents and they develop a large amount of uncertainty and hesitation when it comes to their own relationships and love lives.

Sure it sounds like your typical psycho-babble but I assure you there is truth in it.
Transference and projection are common expressions in psychology and they are often referred to when someone is portraying their issues onto someone else. It is so common that people do not realise that they are doing it.

In a relationship with your partner it will not always be plain sailing; you will have your ups and downs. But when do you throw in the towel and say: that’s it, we’re getting a divorce?’ is it when you are unable to cope with pressure at work, or your children are in between you and your partner and there is no time for your marriage or when you find out that your partner is sleeping with your best friend? That should do it!

Think about this, would your partner run off with someone else if you had chosen to pay more attention, to go the extra mile, to see the tell tale signs perhaps something wasn’t right from the beginning? Maybe your intuitive response to your relationship from the beginning was somewhat sceptical. Maybe you got married because you had a child when you were young and you had to get married, for the sake of the child. But what if you married someone you considered being ‘the one’ and then your marriage ended in divorce. How does one explain that?

Well, here comes the psycho-babble. It’s all about keeping record of your own life which means being responsible for your own actions. Honesty and truth is what you owe yourself. By giving it to yourself, you can share it with others. If you allow yourself to really do what you love to do and to be who you are, you will feel true happiness. Now that is worth projecting onto someone else!

Sometimes you will realise by divorcing someone, you discover yourself again. Sometimes we make a mistake and we live a lie, until we are put on our rightful paths again. We must always remember that life will not lead us amiss; there is blessing in any ending. A marriage ending in divorce for the right reasons is a life worth living!